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Die liefde vra nie vrae nie, right? En dus, mag jy ook nie vrae vra nie. Bertha is geen sagte porselein poppie nie, nee, rof en onbeskof, maar met 'n klein hartjie. Daar is twee mans wat ek ontmoet het, waarvan ek net moet vertel. Nie omdat hulle noemenswaardig is nie, maar omdat hulle hemelsbreed verskil, en om een of ander duistere rede versot geraak het op Bertha.

Ek het nog nooit mense probeer beïndruk nie, dis net nie my styl nie. Ek is maar wie ek is, of jy nou daarvan hou of nie. Op my reguit eerlike manier, kan ek jou vergas met stories uit my lewe – ek beleef nooit 'n vervelige oomblik nie. Op die dating for dummies scene, het ek wel 'n paar heel descent ouens ontmoet van wie ek redelik baie gehou het. Maar dan moet ek bylas: Bertha soek nie man nie, ek wil nie trou nie, ek soek 'n kameraad nie 'n kamer maat nie! Daar is 'n verskil, glo my vry! Ek en Xan chat al vir 'n wyle via internet en e-pos. Ons is albei gevoelsmense. Ons gesels lekker, het bitter min in gemeen, maar tog baie om oor te praat.

Een dag toe verras Xan my met die voorstel dat ons moet gaan koffie drink, êrens. Bertha is nie gepla daaroor nie, ek glo dat ek hom goed opgesom het, en glo nie daar sal te veel probleme wees nie. Sy foto lyk nie te sleg nie – wel met die bedoel ek, hy het nie die "criminal look" nie. Ons gaan koffie drink, hy moet die details confirm en dan val ek in by die planne. Vir die eerste keer in my lewe neem ek nie die leiding nie, ek laat toe dat die man kingkong voel deur AL die besluite te neem. Xan ken my nie SO goed nie, dus is ek veilig. So gesê so gedaan. Bertha hou van Xan, hy's cute en ek kan maklik met hom praat, dus word hy as vriend by my lysie geplaas. Maar dis die ding, girls sien so situasie as vriendskap, 'n man sien dit as 'n vinnig wham bam thank you ma'am sessie. Ek verstaan dit nie. Skielik begin ons geselsies verander. Bertha kom tot die slotsom dat Xan die skoot hoog deur het. Dis cool, Bertha het alles onder beheer. Ek is nie mal oor die feit dat my privaat lewe wil-wil dreig om algemene kennis te raak by my werk nie, maar wat kan 'n mens nou maak?

Die e-posse stroom in. Bertha, wat gaan aan? Is dit nou die een? En ek wil skree: GAAN WEG JULLE EVIL CREATURES OF HUMAN BEINGS! Los my uit, bud-out. Hoekom wil almal jou hele pedigree weet. Is hul lewens so boring en dull dat hul net in my lewe moet inmeng? Ek weet steeds nie, maar die e-posse het ek nou maar met mening geïgnoreer. Bertha hou nie daarvan om in 'n hoek gedryf te word nie.

Een "bad" dag, kry ek 'n SMS: bertha, wat doen jy nou? hoe laat gaan jy huis toe?
Nou moet ek net sê, om vir enigiemand deur die dag te vra wat hy/sy maak – veral inaggenome dat daardie persoon WERK! is soos om te erken jy het die brein kapasiteit van 'n amoeba…jy gaan definitief nie 'n slim antwoord van my kry nie.! DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hoe laat gaan ek huis toe? Wel dis debatable, ek gaan gewoonlik huis toe as my werk klaar is, dit kan enigiets tussen 17h00 – 24h00 wees. Ag, voor ek my neusnannas uit my neus uit kan blaas, stop sy kar voor my werk.

Voor ek aangaan met my storie moet ek eers weer 'n karakter ontleding doen. Bertha is nie 'n verrassings mens nie. So oulik soos wat jy ookal beplan het om te wees, is dit een ding wat jy uit jou gedagtes moet verban! BERTHA HAAT VERRASSINGS! KLAAR! En om vir knapie voor my werk te sien is ook nou nie juis my idee van fun nie. Eerstens, sê wat jy wil sê, moenie is sirkels praat nie, dit verveel my – regtig. Tweedens moenie my verras nie, dit plaas my gewoonlik in 'n onbenydenswaardige posisie. Nou is hy voor my werk, niks wat ek daaromtrent kan doen nie. Nou is die enigste uitweg, om uit te gaan. My werk is nie naastenby klaar nie, ek het nog tonne dinge om uit te sorteer voordat ek dit 'n dag kan noem, maar nou ja, wat staan my nou te doen. As hy dalk die moeite gedoen het om my te bel en te vra of ek kans sien om hom te entertain, kom hy baie petrol geld gespaar het. Bertha is verkouerig, het 'n work overload en geensins lus vir ligsinnige praatjies nie. Ek klim met 'n benoude gevoel in my binneste in die kar. Die enigste ding waarna ek nou smag is om in my bed te klim.

Vir normale mense is dit ok om in die week uit te gaan en tot laat te kuier, hulle staan 7uur op, maar vir my wat voor die son op is, al besig is om te werk – wel, kom ons sê net Xan het nie gedink nie!
Soos 'n lam wat ter slagte gelei word, stem ek in. Wat anders staan my te doen. My hande is basies afgekap, dis hoe dit is. Xan besluit om my te takseer by een of ander uitlandse restaurant…dis 'n first vir Bertha. Ek is ook maar hel versigtig, die chilli-avo storie het nog nie uit my geheue uit verdwyn nie. Wat gaan vanaand oplewer. Xan bestel 'n rosé, quite nice, gaan goed af. Die kos is bietjie te vetterig na my mening, maar ek eet maar voort, die groente is – my luck – alles waarvoor ek nie lief is nie. Nou die ou betaal 'n klein huisie vol geld om my hier te wine and dine, dus sluk ek maar alweer sonder om een sekonde aan die nagevolge te dink. Die wyn gaan ook vinnig af…as jy nie lief is vir pampoen nie, en jy sukkel om dit af te sluk, is wyn jou enigste oorlewing strategie. Hier teen tien uur, dim en bright ek al. Bertha is vodde en smag na haar bed. Ek hoor al my matras wat roep: BERTHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BERTHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! en dit eggo na my hele kolossale liggaam toe. Maar, ongelukkig moet ons eers koffie drink en dan eers 'n draai gaan loop. Half 11 stop ons voor my huis en ek kan nie vinnig genoeg koebaai sê nie. Maar mans is mos flippen renosters! Koop 'n bos blomme en verwag dan dat hulle alleenreg op jou het. Menige man het al sy allie gesien teen Bertha, sommige net vinniger as ander! Bertha kry bitter koud, en ek skimp-skimp dat hy 'n ver ent pad het om te ry, dus sal ek maar vinnig groet en gaan inkruip. Nou weet ek nie of Xan gedink het dis 'n bedekte uitnodiging nie, maar hy nooi homself sommer om oor te slaap! Ek dog ek k@k 'n perd en gallop na mount everest toe! EKSKUUS? Excuse-flippen-me, maar wat die hel het ek nou uit jou mond uit hoor kom? Sê vir my ek het verkeerd gehoor of ek klap vanaand 'n jagse ventjie dat sy foto's by die huis huil! Die vermetelheid. Nou is my metertjie verby die rooi en ek laat hom die volle inpak van my vinnige humeur kry! Sien jy daai tjor en sy rooi liggies, as dit nie jy binne 5 sekondes is nie, slaat ek jou in 5 verskillende sale in intensief!
Eerstens boeta: my oë, net vir ingeval jy nie opgelet het in die biologie klas nie, sit tussen my ore, nie tussen my skouers nie. Tweedens, ek is nie te vinde vir 'n vinnige woeps-waps romanse met jou nie. Derdens: jou voorstel van flussies was nie net onvanpas nie, maar vulgêr en agterlik soos wat ek nog nooit van gehoor het nie! Laastens: vat die pad, en moenie gou omkyk nie, want dan mag die byl jou agterkop mis en tussen jou oë tref!
Die mannetjie begin hakkel en stotter en verduidelik, dis nie wat hy bedoel het nie, maar Bertha het genoeg gehad van mansmense wat dink vrouens is op aarde geplaas om HULLE seksuele behoeftes te bevredig! Dame, sit jou voet neer, en pos daardie suurstofdief na die Himalajas toe, selfs vêrder! Jy het nie nodig om na dit te luister of om dit te sluk nie. Jy het meer tussen die ore, as wat daardie rondekop kombuis dier wat spore trap soos 'n mens, tussen sy bene het!

(ek het ook nie weer van hierdie knaap gehoor nie...sad to say...i wonder why)

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Mooi Bertha ek moet jou komplimenteer dis nie elke vrou wat so beginselvas soos jy is nie, ek moet jou gelukwens!! Geseende Kersfees en mag jy n wonderlike nuwe jaar beleef! Groetnis Robbie!

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Dink en besin,  voordat jy doen en versin.Woorde wek en voorbeelde trek.Waarheen is jy op reis in hierdie lewe ?

Ai Bertha, stem saam met jou, die vermetelheid van die vent, miskien sou skaap rekkies hom genees het. Dis ons voorreg om ons eer en privaatheid te beskerm teen diegene wat nie 'n benul het wat die woord "respek" beteken nie.
'n Gratis ete en wyn beindruk my glad nie meer nie.
Ek het hierdie skrywe van jou geniet.
Sterkte !

Groetnis,
A.